| Thursday, July 21st, 2005 |
| 8:00 am |
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you to you Happy Birthday to you to you Happy Birthday deaaaar Caaaasey Happy Birthday to you to you I hope you have a great one. you non-teenager you. Current Music: Happy Birthday |
| Thursday, July 14th, 2005 |
| 7:57 am |
Well long time now update. things are goin great here. Just got back from my first paid vacation, and it was a blast. Amy and I went to her lake house with 4 other couples. Two of the guys ran into each other with her jet skiis and totalled them. That wasn't much fun, but we got through it. Then we went to the Outer Banks to visit my mom and her side of the family on their summer vacation for a couple nights. Then went cliff climbing in Yorktown. . .haven't laughed so much in my life. Then spent the day landscaping Amy's backyard and got wasted at the bars that night spending over $100. Then went to Busch Gardens and rode all the roller coasters. Then amy went back to work and i had one day to relax before i went back. I miss you all. . Casey, Suz, and Shannon. Hoping to see you all soon! |
| Sunday, February 20th, 2005 |
| 5:34 pm |
Suz
well i had to get a new phone cuz i my old one broke and i didn't get the numbers out of it. So Suz could u please give me ur number and Kristy called and i deleted her voicemail before i got her new number so if u know Kristy's new number, please tell me and if u talk to her tell her i'm sorry i haven't gotten to call her back yet but it was really good to hear from her. mwah |
| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 |
| 9:29 pm |
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| Monday, January 3rd, 2005 |
| 9:21 pm |
Blah
I think the whole newness of being single is wearing off. I'm feeling kinda lonely and down lately. I think a lot about casey and wish we were back together. I wish i had someone to love and hold and trust. I just feel really apprehensive about falling in love with someone and giving them my heart. i know it wasn't casey's fault and i don't blame her it could have easily been me breaking up with her like i did 2x before. It is just the way it happpend. And i just want to cry. I don't want to have many people that i truly loved cuz it wears down on my heart and soul and makes the others less significant. Speaking of which, a part of me doesn't want to meet someone else because a part of me doesn't want to have to let go of Pearl, Casey. I dont want to fall out of love her, i feel like i am clinging to a love that is so bright and wonderful that i don't care if it will never be mine. I don't know. . . my heart is raw and tender and in need of someone to appreciate and love me back. Current Mood:  sadCurrent Music: I Love You So Much |
| Thursday, December 23rd, 2004 |
| 7:58 am |
Last Day of Work Kinda
Well its Thursday Dec. 23 and my last day of work until Monday Jan. 3 kinda. The kinda is that i will be coming in over break to get shit down. It is the perfect time to get all those things done that will make my job a lot easier that i don't have time to do at work. Also i want to rearrange my office and maybe decorate it some AND we are being audited on Jan. 10 and we are already have conflict with the organization that is auditing us, so we have to be PERFECT cuz i'm sure they will be looking for ne thing to make us look bad. NE who, i'm goin to the bar tonight TO DRINK! Think I'll go early so i will sober up sooner to drive. Hehehe always plan ahead. I realized what would make my life perfect last night. . . . Living acrose the street from the bar so i wouldn't have to worry about drinking and driving amongst other benefits. L |
| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 |
| 8:02 am |
NEW CAR
Well i'm picking up my new car today. It is a 2002 Honda Civic LX. It is very reliable and safe. I think $12,000 is kinda high, but apparently Honda Civic hold their value so even though it is a 2002 its price hasn't descended as much as a 2002 of say a Jetta. It was also on the lot for awhile so they had marked it down about $2,000. So i'm only payin about $100 or $200 over what they payed for it. BTW, I didn't have to pay for a rental car in order to get to work BECAUASE . . . the woman that my dad is seeing apparently has a spare BMX convertible "Z." So I have been driving that around town. I had great times with Shannon and Suz despite the fact that i totalled my car and they were sick. It was just nice to see them and talk and stuff. I left my drum there. I hope they and sam play with it so Djembe doesn't get lonely. I think i'm goin up to the burg for x-mas cuz it may be the last year my grandmother is living in her home so we are gonna have x-mas there. This is great for me cuz all my friends live up there. I'm wearing the keeper. It is just like a tampon in that i cant feel it. I guess i have a deep pussy cuz i didn't have to cut the long piece at all. I brought a tampon to wrok just in case it leaked or soemthing or i was doin something wrong. I thnk it is ok, i mean if ur gonna stick something up ur pussy u might as well do it right lol |
| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004 |
| 8:52 pm |
I LoVe SuZ
So Suz and I are talking about how she could order some PETA calendars she wants in the mail. Suz- I would order them but they charge a butt load for delivery. Suz- They charge like $4 for delivery. Suz- I could buy 3 outfits for that much. Me- That's why i love you Suz. Me- Most people would be like that is nothing, but you are like "I could buy 3 outfits with that." Current Mood:  amused |
| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
| 7:56 am |
Update
Life is good. I feel like i'm a the most mentally healthy that i have ever been. I spend a lot of time by myself and i like it a lot. I'm not afraid to do so, in fact i love it. . . it is very peaceful and rejuvenating. Of course I am not exactly by myself. . . i am with Idgie. I don't know wut i would do without idgie. I go to Klub Ambush almost every Thursday and Saturday and meet peeps up there. It is so much fun. Tonight after work i am goin straight to El Azteca for a Ambush friend's birthday dinner. I can't wait! I am goin in my work cloths, i'm sure everybody will be like "dayum, she doesn't always dress like a bum." I am going to Harrisonburg this weekend to see Suz and Shannon. . . rock on. I miss casey. . . i wish i could see her, it has been a long time. I wish i could be there for her to hold her and let her know how awesome she is now cuz it seems she is goin through a hard time I know she will get through it and be stronger for it cuz that is just the type of person she is Current Mood: chipperCurrent Music: Everything I Need Is Right Here In My Hands |
| Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 |
| 1:04 pm |
Suz and Shannon!!!
Suz and Shannon are coming down for the night. I am so excited. We will have a blast. They have never been to my home before. I think we are gonna hit up some happy hours and talent shows at some gay clubs. Drink lots of beer and smoke lots of dope. I can't wait to see Suz's tattoo. I so shuld get a tattoo while they are here. I might get a hotel room for the night. Shannon said she wanted to camp out on the beach, but it is raining and cold outside. It is so cool to have them to look forward to after work. . . I think I'm gonna piss my pants lol I wish Kristy could come but she is out somewhere in the midwest trucking with some asshole. . . poor girl. HURRY UP SHANNON AND SUZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO BUY SOME DIAPERS CUZ I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF. |
| Saturday, November 20th, 2004 |
| 3:22 pm |
Camping
me and idgie went camping in my back yard last night got a djembe and played it wanna learn how to play it good and write songs |
| Sunday, November 14th, 2004 |
| 8:20 pm |
So let me explain last night. Went to the bar for a little get together for my b-day. Jeka's brother brought his upstairs neighbor, who i have never met or heard about. Ne way he is sitting at the table with us and out of now way security comes and kicks him out for drinking under age. No one knew who he was or that he was even drinking. So Corey, Jeka's brother, has to take him home and was gonna come back. Since Corey brought him though, he got kicked out of the bar one night too. So this all happened in like seconcds. So then jeka tries to go to security to explain that we didn't even know he was drinking. She gets kicked out. And after 10 min talks her way back in. So then their is this girl that is a dancer at the bar in Newport News (Bad News) like 45 min away, starts talking ith jeka about goin out there cuz she has to dance tonight. Well after all that shit i'm ready to get up out of here cuz Guido and Dee left cuz they were pissed off at the bar, and my farely good sized little party just faded away, so i was all about goin to htat bar. Turns out that Jeka decides not to go cuz she is got her own little agenda and ditches me on my birtday. So i wind up goin out there with soem girl i don' tknow on my birthday all by myself So i get there and it sucks just a bounch of dumb older faggots. So then the end of the night comes and they kick me out even though i can't find that bitch that brought me to the hell hole. So i am wondering "Bad News" city at 2 in teh morning all by myself on my fucking b-day party and i think i see that bitches car and it is unlocked so i get and wait for her to come back. So i fall asleep.' Next thing i know is the car is filled with a bunch of black guys and they are like wut the fuck are u dojn in here. I tried to explain and the driver dude pulled me out of the car and punched me in the face. I thikn he punched me twice cuz my lip and the opposite side of my face ache. I'm so lucky i didn't get killed cuz i can rememeber being pissed and drunk as hell and screaming u "worthless nigger" and all this other shit at him as he drove away. So finally i decide to call dear old jeka to pick my ass up. So my head hurts i lost my licence i lost my phone and when i came hom ethat night my bank card fell out of my poicket and idgie at it. I think i left my phone in jeka's car. . i hope she get that shit back to me fast cuz i don't know any numbers on it. That was my night. . . i hate my friends here they have so much drama and seem to get off on it. I miss talking to people that can have fun with oiut drama and can talk to u in the present moment without ne acts. I fill really empty of sincere human contact where u can actually look the person in the eyes. I really miss Casey And i wish that i was living in harrisonburg right now eating dumbstered food and sleeping on fold out couch smoking a bowl with shannon and suz. |
| Monday, November 8th, 2004 |
| 7:41 am |
Dello
Well i have to say that life is goin pretty good. I have a job i love. I love my puppy. I'm healthy. I'm growing a lot emotionally and spiritually. And my future is full of potential. I really miss Shannon and Suz. I really wish I could live up there with them. I feel so at home with them and in Harrisonburg in general. I also miss Casey, but i'm happy that things are goin well for her. Idgie starts puppy school on Sunday. I can't wait for that. My birthday is this friday. I think i'm gonna ask for camping shit cuz that is something i can do with Idgie. I miss Chase and Jon also. I hope that one day they can be good friends and be glad for the good times they shared together. O yeah my mom is crazy, but she hadn't driven me completely insane yet. I goin to therapy too and i feel so excited about it. I love my therapist and i think i will be able to work through a lot of shit so that i will be happier and be able to treat my loved ones the way they deserve to be treated. Leave me a message. Love you all. |
| Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004 |
| 3:46 pm |
Rumbling underneath the everlasting crater of life strikes down the sound of massive plates spilling her blood like rivers cutting through her skin flooding the life that she has within broken at the foundation by a unforeseen happening that stalked her periphials just out of sight hiding in the darkeness of the shadow preying on the love that shined from the sun now burnt out after millions of years a revolution awakes to ignite the next fire from a source that astronomers will never find and the sun is dead after teasing for years like a finite duck waddling after its eternal bread crumb |
| 12:01 pm |
An aversion to the place that shuld be a fucking dumpster the bell rings in and out of my ear i want to scoop out my heart with a spoon and eat it with some icecream my heart is a sad leather bag drooping off my ribs i should cut out each rib sharpen the end into a point and stab them into my droopy shriveled heart until it falls apart into little scraps of cloth that will be thrown in the trash so it will biodegrate into dust that will blow into my eyes until i cry and can't see ne more |
| Saturday, October 23rd, 2004 |
| 10:52 pm |
Ambush
Well i think me and Jeka (aka Papa Butch) bonded tonight because we are both goin through a break up that we don't want to go through. We talked about getting an apt. together, which would be way cool because she is reliable, a good person, and we both have pets that are our best friends right now. We realized she was a grandpa because i have Idgie, which is her grandaughter. That was pretty funny. I really missed casey tonight. I hope she knows how much i love and adore and appreciate her. I am in the process of making her a present. I hope that things can work out with us cuz i love her more than ne thing and have realized a lot of things recently. If we do get back together, i know i will be a totally different person. Despite the pain and anxiety of her breaking up with me, i will alway be thankful for it no matter wut cuz I have learned a lot about my myself in general and in a relationship that i don't like and want to change. "An unanalyzed life is not worth living." -Decartes Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. All I can do is hope for the best for me and her. Long-distance relationships are hard, however, they are sometimes worth the wait. I am at the point right now where i'm over the shock of the break up and not having a girlfriend and just driven by my love for Casey. Who knows wut is true love is and wut is meant to be. All i know is she is the most beautiful person i have ever known inside and out. Maybe that is enuf maybe it isn't. Hope doesn't need to know. It just is. Maybe that is wut is so beautiful about it. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: And I. . . Will always love u. |
| Saturday, October 16th, 2004 |
| 10:12 pm |
Spitfire Grill
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the wounded soul. There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole. |
| Wednesday, October 13th, 2004 |
| 1:31 pm |
Sitting at Work
Well i'm just sitting at work. It's rainy and gloomy out. I looked at the clock and it was 12:30 and i thought it was around 10. I love how my job goes by so quickly, and i love my job, and i love how much money i'm making for something i love. Just was talking to Jon on the internet. He said he missed me and we talked about casey and i breaking up. It made me feel better. i love it when i'm the only one in the office because i can play me some Ani REALY loud. I miss casey a lot, but for some reason i'm more glad that she is happy and she is growing into the woman that she is by being selfish and strong. I guess that is true love and that makes me happy that I have truly loved someone in my life. SUZ - - I got ur messages on my cell phone, however, i couldn't undestand a word of them lol. I tried to call u back but it was busy. sorry. Current Mood: hereCurrent Music: Inside by patti rothberg |
| Sunday, October 10th, 2004 |
| 4:16 pm |
Yep
Went to work at the Ramstad's. Dave, the husband had this fart sound maker that he kept holding at Idgie's butt and making it sound like she farted. Made $40 there, but lost it. I lost my debit card and licence separately this week. The good thing is i don't really care. They are the least of my worries right now. Took Idgie for a walk to the park it was really pretty. Now i have to get ready for work. I have to get up at 5:30 every morning to look professional and take care of Idgie. The funny thing is i've worn the same 3 outfits for the last 2 weeks. I love you Casey. I love you Chase. I love you Jon. Always. We had a lot of great times together, maybe, one day we can start a nudist ranch. Current Mood: crushed |
| Monday, October 4th, 2004 |
| 1:01 pm |
well, I'm sitting here at work on my lunch, thoroughly enjoying reading suz's lj entried, they are always the best. I really like my job, it goes by really fast. I like having Idgie to come home to, unfortunetly it isn't Casey, but Idgie will do for the mean time. I love having a 3 day weekend it is like half the week off and it is ok that i work 10 hrs a day the other four days cuz it goes by really really really quickly. I think i'm goin to pay the neighbor to let Idgie out during the day. I initially told him $20 a week for just four days but i think i'm gonna change it to $10. I really didn't know wut an appropriate amount would be and my mom told me that $20 was too high, which is fine by me to pay him less. Hope he was too excited about $20 a week. . . o well. I left Idgie in the bathroom today cuz no one would be able to let her out and i didn't want her to stay in the cage cuz she might think it is ok to poop and pee in it. I really miss casey. I have been goin through so many changes recently and lots more to come that i have been a little paranoid about how we are doin. I hope we are doing good, we were doing great when i left from bristol. . i think. I really really want casey to move done here. We have talked about moving in together for a long time and it has never worked out so i feel kinda pessimistic, yet this time the circumstances are much more favorable to it actually working out. I just hope nothing happens that would prevent her from coming. I feel bad cuz i haven't seen Suz and Shannon in awhile, well i saw suz for a couple hours a couple weeks ago but that was it. I need to be with my cunt lovin bitches and by intoxicated by their beautiful minds and hearts. Current Mood: insecure |
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